Getting Over a Breakup: 9 Healthy Ways to Move On

For many people, getting over a breakup can feel overwhelming. The end of a relationship often brings sadness, confusion, loneliness, and constant reminders of the past. Many people find themselves listening to sad music, rereading old messages, or isolating themselves from friends.

Unfortunately, these habits can make recovery more difficult. In my work as a psychologist, I often see that people unintentionally prolong the pain of a breakup by repeatedly revisiting memories or maintaining contact with their former partner.

The good news is that getting over a breakup is possible. With the right mindset and healthy coping strategies, most people gradually regain emotional balance and rebuild their lives after a relationship ends.

Below you will find nine practical and psychologically healthy steps that can help you move forward after a breakup.

1. Put hope to bed.

When it comes to dealing with a break up, hope can be your most lethal and addictive emotion, almost like a drug. Getting over a break up becomes extremely difficult if you secretly hope that you and your ex-partner might get back together.

However, letting go of hope is easier said than done. In many cases, putting hope to rest is the first and most important step toward recovery. It is important to understand why your relationship ended, but perhaps even more important is learning to stop focusing only on the positive memories you shared together.

Like in every relationship, you experienced enjoyable activities, meaningful conversations, and fun moments together. But similar experiences can also occur in future relationships. People naturally tend to idealize the past; it is often easier to remember the good moments while ignoring the problems that contributed to the break up.

This can be dangerous because it keeps you emotionally attached to a relationship that has already ended. Accept those memories as memories. Try not to use them as proof that the relationship might still work. Accepting that the relationship is over is a crucial step in getting over a break up.

2. Avoid contact with your ex.

By keeping in touch with your ex, I can almost guarantee that getting over a break up will be extremely difficult, if not impossible. It is common for people to continue sleeping with their ex once in a while, or to stay in contact by talking about shared memories.

Sometimes people remain in contact simply because saying goodbye feels too painful or because being alone feels overwhelming. However, staying in touch is often the easy way out and usually slows down the process of getting over a break up.

The most effective way to move on is by terminating all contact. If you cannot completely avoid your ex due to work, school, or shared responsibilities, try to maintain as much distance as possible. This means limiting conversations, avoiding unnecessary contact, and creating emotional boundaries.

It may also help to remove reminders from social media. Seeing posts, photos, or updates from your ex can easily trigger memories and emotional reactions. Reducing these triggers can make it easier to move forward.

At the same time, staying out of contact can become very difficult during emotionally vulnerable moments. If you feel the urge to reach out, try writing your thoughts down on paper and throwing it away afterward, or call a trusted friend instead. Some people even find it helpful to turn off their phone when drinking alcohol, since late-night messages to an ex are a common regret during break up recovery.

But can’t we stay friends?
In reality, the chances that you and your ex-partner can remain close friends without lingering feelings, and without affecting future relationships, are very small. In most cases, maintaining contact only makes it harder to fully move on and build a healthy new relationship in the future.

 
(Advertisement. For more information, please scroll down.)

3. Erase or neutralize reminders.

For many people it is difficult to forget about their ex-partner because reminders are everywhere. These reminders may include photos, songs, favorite restaurants, movies, shared habits, or even specific scents. Each reminder can easily bring you back to memories of the relationship and trigger sadness.

Reducing or neutralizing these reminders can help you in getting over a break up faster, because there will be fewer triggers pulling you back into the past.

Sometimes removing reminders feels wasteful. Holiday photos, gifts, or personal items may feel difficult to throw away. In other cases, reminders cannot be removed completely, such as songs, locations, or favorite restaurants. In those situations, it can help to neutralize them.

For example, listen to certain songs in different environments and with different people, visit familiar locations with friends, or create new routines and habits. Right now your brain strongly associates certain songs, places, and activities with your ex-partner.

By creating new experiences connected to those same songs, places, or habits, the emotional strength of the old memories gradually decreases. Over time, these reminders become less connected to your past relationship and less emotionally painful.

4. Crying is okay.

Crying is a natural way to release feelings of grief, sadness, and other painful emotions. Most people feel at least somewhat better after crying for a while. Repressing emotions, on the other hand, often makes you feel irritable, more easily annoyed, and generally more negative throughout the day.

If you suppress your emotions for too long, they often come out unexpectedly at an inconvenient moment, for example at work, at a party, or while doing everyday activities such as shopping. Allowing yourself to express your emotions in a safe environment can prevent these sudden emotional outbursts.

A helpful strategy can be to meet with a close friend or family member, or simply watch a movie that allows you to connect with your emotions. Let the tears come naturally if they appear. For some people, crying helps release emotional tension and supports the process of getting over a break up.

For those who find it difficult to cry, try the following: when you feel emotions starting to build, pause for a moment. Close your eyes and briefly allow yourself to think about one of the most painful moments of the break up. Allow yourself to experience the feeling fully. You may notice the tears starting to build, sometimes allowing them to flow can be an important step toward emotional recovery.

5. Restore your social life.

Feeling down after a break up is completely normal. However, try not to isolate yourself for too long. Make sure you continue seeing your friends regularly and participate in social activities when possible. Getting over a break up is rarely something people can do entirely on their own.

Isolation often leads to inactivity, and inactivity can increase feelings of sadness or even contribute to symptoms of depression. Although it may feel difficult to motivate yourself, spending time with others can help time pass more quickly and gradually restore enjoyment in everyday life.

At the same time, try not to rush into constant social activities simply to distract yourself from the pain. While distractions may provide temporary relief, they do not replace the emotional process of getting over a break up. True recovery requires both time and emotional processing.

6. Don’t sedate yourself with a rebound.

A rebound relationship is often nothing more than a temporary distraction from the emotions connected to your previous partner. When people enter a rebound relationship too quickly, they often suppress the feelings associated with the break up rather than processing them.

As a result, the process of getting over a break up may come to a halt. Eventually the rebound relationship may also end, leaving you emotionally in the same place where you started.

For many people, a rebound functions like a temporary sedative: it may make you feel better for a short period of time, but once the effect fades, the original emotions often return, sometimes even stronger than before.

It is usually healthier to allow yourself enough time to process the break up before starting a new relationship. If you do meet someone you feel genuinely interested in, try to take things slowly. Be honest with that person about your previous relationship and your current emotional situation, because communication in relationships is essential for building a healthy connection.

7. Stop torturing yourself.

Questions such as “What if…?” or “Why didn’t I…?” can become powerful mental torture tools when you are dealing with a break up. It is natural for people to want to learn from their mistakes and analyse where things went wrong. Reflection can be helpful, but repeatedly asking yourself endless “what if” questions rarely provides real answers.

Instead, these thoughts often make you feel more miserable and slow down the process of getting over a break up rather than helping you move forward. In addition, people often blame themselves for much more than they realistically should.

Instead of torturing yourself with questions that cannot be answered, try to accept that this relationship simply was not meant to last. Take the lessons you learned from the experience and allow yourself to move forward.

8. Talk about it with a good friend.

Talking about your feelings can be very helpful when you are getting over a break up. Share your experiences, your emotions, and also the negative aspects of the relationship with someone you trust.

People often idealize their relationship after it ends. In the beginning of a relationship we tend to focus on the positive aspects, and after a break up we may continue to remember those moments while ignoring the problems. A close friend who is willing to give an honest perspective can help remove some of that “sugar coating.”

Allow your friend to support you and cheer you up, even if some of their observations may feel uncomfortable at first. This is often an important part of letting go of the past and accepting that the relationship has ended.

If you notice yourself strongly defending your ex-partner or the relationship, take a moment to reflect on where those feelings come from. Starting conflict with a close friend will only isolate you further and make the process of getting over a break up even harder.

(Advertisement. For more information, please scroll down.)

9. Write a letter to your ex without sending it.

Many people still have unresolved feelings toward their ex-partner after a break up. They may want to express their emotions, explain their perspective, or even share their anger and frustration.

Keeping these emotions inside can make you feel worse over time. Instead, a helpful exercise can be to write everything down in a letter. Write openly about your feelings, your frustrations, and the things you wish you could say. You may write about their habits, behaviours, the relationship itself, or the way the break up affected you.

Once you have finished writing, throw the letter away or destroy it. The purpose of this exercise is emotional release, not communication.

Do not send the letter or contact your ex. Reopening communication may give your ex an opportunity to reconnect with you again, which can slow down the process of getting over a break up.

Final word

Getting over a break up can be a long and emotionally intense process, but there are healthy things you can do to make recovery easier.

Hoping for one last chance, or hoping that your ex-partner will come back, usually slows down recovery and can even make it impossible to move on. That is why it is so important to put hope to bed and accept that the relationship has ended. If accepting this feels too difficult at first, then try to avoid contact with your ex-partner. Avoid calling, texting, or seeing them, and if that is not fully possible, reduce contact as much as you can. Creating emotional and physical distance makes it easier to get your ex-partner out of your mind.

It can also be difficult to move on because there are so many reminders of the relationship. One effective way to reduce the impact of these reminders is to erase, destroy, or neutralize them. Songs, places, habits, gifts, and photos can all trigger memories. By creating new experiences around those reminders, they gradually become less emotionally charged.

At the same time, it is important to allow yourself to feel what you feel. Crying is okay. Crying can be a natural way to release sadness and grief. Most people also feel like withdrawing socially after a break up, but complete isolation rarely helps. That is why it is important to restore your social life. Spend time with friends, reconnect with other people, and give yourself opportunities to experience life outside the relationship again.

Be careful, however, not to numb yourself with a new relationship too quickly. Do not sedate yourself with a rebound. A rebound may distract you for a while, but it usually does not help with the real emotional work of healing. Instead, talk about the relationship with a trusted friend and do not torture yourself with endless “what if” questions. If needed, write a letter to your ex without sending it so that your emotions have a healthy outlet.

Breakups can also trigger related problems such as loneliness, adult separation anxiety, or trust issues. If you notice that the breakup continues to affect your wellbeing for a long time, online relationship counseling can help you process the breakup and regain emotional balance.

Frequently asked questions about getting over a breakup