Having a narcissistic boss

Dealing with a narcissistic boss can be tricky, frustrating, confusing, and even dangerous. Their impulsiveness, tantrums, self-centeredness, and lack of self-reflection often have a profound impact on their company or department, creating a tense, hostile, and sometimes unsafe working environment. These behaviors can lead to significant consequences: companies may face fines for ignoring regulations or even go bankrupt due to impulsive and risky decisions. Employees, in turn, may develop complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) as a result of exposure to threats, manipulation, unpredictable behavior, and frequent outbursts. Fortunately, not all narcissistic bosses are the same. Researchers identify three main types: the malignant narcissist, the vulnerable (or fragile) narcissist, and the exhibitionistic (or high-functioning) narcissist. Each type comes with distinct strengths and weaknesses, which we’ll explore below.   In this article, we’ll cover:

• How to recognize a narcissistic boss
• The impact they can have on a company or department
• The effects they can have on employees (friend versus foe dynamics)
• Strategies for coping with a narcissistic boss
• Ways employees can protect themselves

   

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At Barends Psychology Practice, treatment is being offered for victims of narcissists. Go to contact us to schedule a first, free session.

 

How to Recognize a Narcissistic Boss

 

Before diving into the characteristics of narcissistic bosses, it’s important to acknowledge that certain narcissistic traits can benefit a company and even protect employees. For example, high-functioning narcissistic bosses often display achievement-oriented behavior, energy, interpersonal ease, high motivation, and strong adaptive functioning [1]. They may support and even be friendly toward employees—if doing so aligns with their goals. This sets them apart from malignant or fragile narcissists, whose behavior tends to be more destructive.

 

However, some traits have both positive and negative effects. For instance, a fragile narcissist’s tendency to be highly critical and envious of others might push both themselves and their employees to perform better. On the other hand, these traits can create a hostile and stressful work environment. In other words, having a narcissistic boss doesn’t always result in abuse, terror, and suffering.

That said, narcissistic bosses exhibit a range of negative traits. Some are universal across all narcissistic types—such as arrogance and entitlement—while others are specific to certain subtypes or situations. For example, fragile narcissists often feel powerless or self-critical, while malignant narcissists rarely allow such vulnerabilities to surface.

 

The Diagram

The diagram (shown above or to the right) illustrates the behaviors, feelings, and attitudes unique to each narcissistic subtype. The green circle represents fragile narcissists, the purple circle represents high-functioning narcissists, and the blue circle represents malignant narcissists. Shared traits appear where circles overlap, highlighting the nuanced differences in how these traits manifest.

  It’s important to remember that certain behaviors, attitudes, or feelings associated with one subtype may occasionally appear in others, depending on the situation. For example, while “blaming others” is characteristic of malignant narcissists as a manipulation technique, fragile narcissists may also exhibit this behavior as a defense mechanism when their feelings of inadequacy are triggered.  

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Overview of Narcissistic Boss Subtypes

Below is an overview of the behaviors, feelings, and attitudes specific to each narcissistic subtype, as identified by researchers [1].

 

Narcissistic Boss – High-Functioning Narcissist

Of the three subtypes, the high-functioning narcissistic boss displays the most positive and the least negative behaviors. They tend to have stable work histories and are less likely to develop other mental disorders, such as depression or social anxiety [1]. However, recognizing them can be challenging due to their sometimes contradictory behaviors.

Typically, their narcissistic tendencies become more pronounced in situations involving stress, rejection, disappointment, or envy. In these scenarios, they may exhibit dismissiveness, haughtiness, self-criticism, or overly dramatic emotional outbursts. High-functioning narcissists prefer being the center of attention and struggle to tolerate others receiving it.

For instance, if an employee garners attention during a meeting, lunch, or event, the high-functioning narcissist may:

• Downplay the employee’s achievements
• Use sarcasm disguised as criticism
• Feign illness or injury to regain focus

 

Narcissistic Boss – Fragile Narcissist

The fragile narcissist combines feelings of inadequacy, victimization, helplessness, and powerlessness with jealousy toward others. To manage these negative emotions, they develop a sense of entitlement, exaggerated self-importance, and a demand for special treatment.

When employees fail to show the respect and admiration the fragile narcissist believes they deserve, they may:

• Lash out
• Hold grudges
• Become hostile

This type is extremely sensitive to rejection. Even minor perceived slights are remembered, and feelings of revenge often linger. They may bully or mistreat employees they believe have rejected them. Common manipulative techniques used by fragile narcissists include:

• Gaslighting (making others doubt their reality)
• Splitting (dividing people into “good” and “bad”)
• Inducing guilt
• Public humiliation

Talented employees—often seen as threats—bear the brunt of these behaviors. They may be:

• Held back professionally
• Overloaded with simple or excessive tasks
• Publicly humiliated for mistakes
• Denied well-deserved praise or promotions

Paradoxically, when the fragile narcissist needs these employees, they may temporarily acknowledge their talents and treat them with respect.

 

Narcissistic Boss – Malignant Narcissist

The malignant narcissist is driven by a desire for power, control, and attention and will stop at nothing to achieve their goals. Their behavior is marked by manipulation, threats, and blame-shifting. At their core, malignant narcissists are deeply insecure. They use narcissism as a shield to avoid confronting their insecurities. They constantly inflate their egos by:

• Insulting, humiliating, and blaming others
• Bragging about achievements (often exaggerated or fabricated)

Unlike fragile narcissists, malignant narcissists do not react sensitively to criticism. Instead, they:

• Dismiss it as false or irrelevant
• Retaliate aggressively
• Use avoidance and denial to deflect blame

Like high-functioning narcissists, malignant narcissists demand to be the center of attention. However, unlike other subtypes, they do not feel envy toward others receiving attention. Instead, they believe they are entitled to it and will throw tantrums or create chaos to reclaim it if necessary.

     

Narcissistic Boss – Impact on Company/Department

 

A narcissistic boss has two faces when it comes to their impact on a company or department. On one hand, they can boost production, increase sales, and secure better contracts or business deals than leaders without narcissistic traits. As long as the company is thriving, they remain happy and satisfied. On the other hand, sooner or later, their arrogance becomes their downfall. When a narcissistic boss begins to lose control, they often cause as much damage as possible to those around them.

   

Many narcissistic bosses experience temporary success due to their arrogance, stubbornness, lack of empathy, and manipulation techniques. They see the department or company as an extension of themselves, identifying with it much like a mother identifies with her child. Initially, they work hard and expect the same from their employees.

The narcissistic boss takes credit for growth, increased sales, and even the personal successes of their staff. During these high periods, they may appear generous—sharing their success, offering raises, and praising employees. Their more destructive behaviors typically emerge when they feel threatened—whether due to a lack of attention, respect, or power, or when they sense they are losing control. Fortunately, during these successful times, their positive traits are more apparent: the high-functioning narcissist motivates the team, the fragile narcissist is friendly and at ease, and the malignant narcissist enjoys talking about their own achievements.

 

The Shift: From Success to Downfall

Success bolsters the narcissist’s confidence, which isn’t a problem—until they experience a setback. This setback could take many forms: a denied promotion, a rejected product, a lost deal, a financial loss, or a failure to meet sales targets. Above all, a narcissistic boss craves control, power, and attention.

Their arrogance, exaggerated self-importance, and sense of entitlement extend to the company or department, leading them to take greater risks, disregard professional boundaries, and behave as if they are invincible. Unfortunately, this reckless and arrogant behavior does not result in more control or power; rather, it accelerates their decline.

 

The Downfall:

Losing control, power, or attention is a narcissist’s worst nightmare. Any event that threatens these aspects will trigger a reaction. The longer it takes for them to regain their lost power, the more impulsive, erratic, and disrespectful their behavior becomes. At this stage, their negative traits take over, while any previous positive behaviors disappear. They seek someone to blame—whether it be another department, an external company, or an employee. Expect temper tantrums, rage, hostility, and condescending behavior.

   

The speed of this downfall depends on the company’s structure, their level of responsibility, and their influence over higher-ups. Eventually, they will begin to detach from their work, shifting their focus toward personal gain. This might involve abusing their position by throwing lavish parties, spending company money on themselves, ignoring regulations, and engaging in other reckless actions that harm the company further. If they face the possibility of being fired or placed on leave, their reaction may escalate to unpredictable rage, extreme distress, or even suicidal ideation. To a narcissistic boss, being fired or sidelined signifies humiliation, a total loss of control, power, and attention.

In such situations, staying neutral is crucial. By remaining impartial, you minimize the risk of becoming their scapegoat and might even position yourself as a perceived ally. However, if you openly oppose them, they are likely to seek revenge.

   

Narcissistic Boss – Impact on Employees

Narcissistic bosses do not have genuine friendships. Instead, they categorize people based on their usefulness:

• Useful vs. Useless – Those who help them achieve their goals are useful; those who do not are dismissed.
• Threatening vs. Harmless – Anyone who challenges their authority, power, or control is a threat, while those who pose no risk may be tolerated.

However, these labels are not fixed. A valuable employee may suddenly become a threat if they overshadow the boss, leading to hostility and workplace bullying. Similarly, someone who was once a threat may become useful, earning temporary favor. This unpredictability makes it difficult for employees to anticipate how their boss will react, leading to chronic stress and pressure.

Employees often feel they must deliver flawless work, yet even perfection is no guarantee of approval. The boss may arbitrarily demand changes, even outside of working hours, and does not respect personal boundaries or privacy. It is not uncommon for them to assign personal errands, such as picking up a suit, grocery shopping, or walking their dog. Another major stressor is their erratic mood swings. One moment they may be in a great mood, and the next, they throw a temper tantrum. Their primary trigger? The fear of losing control, attention, or power.

 

The Psychological Toll: PTSD & C-PTSD

A narcissistic boss can severely impact an employee’s mental health, sometimes triggering post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If an employee experiences intense humiliation, criticism, threats, or betrayal at work, they may develop symptoms such as:

• Sleeping difficulties
• Flashbacks
• Mood swings
• Anxiety and stress
• Trouble concentrating
• Substance use as a coping mechanism

Employees who endure prolonged workplace bullying, threats, or job insecurity may develop Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). Unlike PTSD, which often stems from a single traumatic event, C-PTSD results from ongoing psychological harm. The long-term impact can extend beyond work, affecting personal relationships, daily life, and overall well-being.

Triggers can develop in unexpected ways. For example, if a narcissistic boss frequently calls an employee after hours for minor tasks, the employee may begin to associate phone calls with anxiety. Over time, they might start avoiding calls altogether, fearing repercussions even when the caller is someone else. This can lead to social withdrawal and heightened stress responses.

If you suspect you may have PTSD or C-PTSD due to workplace trauma, consider taking an online PTSD self-assessment or exploring self-help resources to manage triggers and reduce stress.

   

Burnout

Burnout occurs when employees are under constant pressure and stress for long periods, without adequate emotional and physical recovery. Common symptoms of burnout include exhaustion, concentration problems, lack of empathy, and decreased motivation, creativity, and cognitive function [3]. People experiencing burnout are also more likely to take sick leave [4]. Narcissistic bosses tend to put immense pressure on their employees, demanding positive results. Their lack of empathy, unwillingness to accept human imperfections, and difficulty with rejection—combined with their insatiable addiction to power, control, and attention—create the perfect conditions for burnout. Narcissistic bosses will resort to manipulation, threats, bullying, or neglect to ensure that employees meet their demands.

 

Other Mental Disorders

Working for a narcissistic boss can also contribute to the development of other mental disorders, such as panic attacks, panic disorder, social phobia, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and somatic symptom disorder.

 

Coping with a narcissistic boss

As mentioned earlier, the narcissistic boss does not have genuine friends. Employees are seen as either useful, useless, harmless, or threatening. These categories reflect the narcissist’s primary motivations: gaining power, control, and attention. Every interaction must serve one of these purposes. In this section, we will explore these categories, how employees can shift between them, and the best ways to cope with a narcissistic boss in each scenario.

   

Useless Employee:

If an employee cannot help the narcissistic boss gain power, control, or attention, they are seen as useless. This employee might be skilled at their job, but if the narcissist perceives them as unwilling to go the extra mile, they will be categorized as useless. These employees become easy targets for mobbing, threats, humiliation, and insults. The narcissistic boss will attempt to find a way to exploit the employee, but if that proves impossible, they may fire or transfer them at the first opportunity.

How to Stay in Favor

• 1. Work harder and try to stand out.
• 2. Praise your boss and support them in meetings or discussions. Thank them if you achieve something on your own. Narcissists are sensitive to this.
• 3. Help your boss gain more control over the company or department.
• 4. Contribute to making your boss more powerful, such as by increasing sales.

If You Can’t Get Out of This Category There may be several reasons:

• 1. Your boss is disappointed in you. If you’ve failed to meet their expectations once, it’s unlikely they’ll change their opinion soon.
• 2. You are not willing to make extra effort or praise them.
• 3. There is something about you that the narcissist dislikes (e.g., your appearance or associates).

In this case, the best approach is to stay neutral during meetings and conversations—anything you say could be used against you. Emotionally detach from your job so that the narcissist’s impulsive decisions don’t affect you too much. Set healthy boundaries—narcissists will respect boundaries if there are consequences that take away their power, control, or attention.

 

Useful Employee

An employee who helps the narcissist gain more power, control, or attention is seen as useful. Even if they are less productive than others, if they feed the narcissist’s need for admiration, control, or power, they will be favored.

However, being in this category can be demanding. The narcissistic boss may start making excessive demands, such as working late without pay or being available outside of normal working hours. If the employee becomes too skilled or influential, the narcissist may feel threatened and move them into the threatening category. Conversely, if they become less valuable, they could be shifted to the useless or harmless category. Staying in this category is stressful and time-consuming.

How to get out of this category: Though staying in this category can be advantageous, it’s often draining. If you want to move out of this category, start by:

• 1. Deliberately taking more time to finish tasks, allowing yourself to recharge.
• 2. Not being on standby all the time, so your boss’s attention shifts to someone else.
• 3. Asking critical questions instead of always agreeing with your boss.
• 4. Gradually introducing healthy boundaries.
• 5. Don’t always praise or feed the narcissist’s ego—let them work for it.

As long as you remain valuable, the narcissistic boss is unlikely to move you to the useless category.

 

Harmless Employee

The harmless employee does their job well, avoids complaints, and supports the boss when necessary. However, the narcissist sees this person as insignificant in terms of power, control, or influence. While this category is the safest, these employees are often overlooked and rarely promoted. The narcissistic boss views them as “below standard,” neither a threat nor an asset.

How to Get Out of This Category: If you want to become more useful to the narcissist, follow the same advice given for useless employees—help them gain power, control, or admiration.

   

Threatening Employee

A narcissistic boss perceives employees who are more skilled, ambitious, attractive, intelligent, or successful as threats. Employees seeking important roles or promotions are especially at risk. Employees in this category suffer the most. The narcissistic boss will insult, humiliate, or blame them whenever possible. Narcissists need an enemy, and these employees become the focus of their aggression.

How to Neutralize the Narcissist’s Behavior Expose the narcissist by calmly calling out their manipulative behavior. For example:

• Boss: “If even Mike understands this, it must have been very well explained.”
• Employee: “Are you trying to humiliate me with that comment?”
• Boss: “Well, you’re not the smartest in the room, which is an understatement.”
• Employee: “Does it make you feel smarter or better when you say that?”

Repeating this strategy can make the narcissist uncomfortable and reduce their tendency to degrade you.

How to Get Out of This Category The best way to escape this category is to eliminate anything that threatens the narcissist. They will ease up once you are no longer seen as a competitor. Redirect their focus to someone else—ideally in another department or company, as narcissists often fixate on their enemies. Additionally, gaining control or power—such as knowledge or resources the narcissist values—can reduce criticism and potentially shift you into the useful category.

In all cases, it’s essential to recognize the shifting dynamics that occur with a narcissistic boss. Whether you’re in the useful, harmless, or threatening category, always be mindful of how your behavior and interactions may affect the narcissist’s perception of you. Each category has its risks and challenges, but by managing your responses and setting boundaries, you can navigate the environment more effectively.  

How to Protect Yourself Against a Narcissistic Boss

Dealing with a narcissistic boss is difficult and risky. Apart from the fear of being fired, narcissists do not hesitate to use threats and scare tactics if someone opposes them. They may threaten to fire employees or take away privileges if loyalty isn’t shown. A typical response is silence and obedience, as many employees feel powerless. However, a few strategies can help.

 

If Your Narcissistic Boss Leads the Department

If your boss is the head of the company, finding another job is strongly recommended. However, if they have superiors, there is hope. The goal is to prevent them from falsely accusing you and to create leverage for yourself.

   Protective Measures

• Communicate Almost Everything via Email or Text: After each conversation, send a summary via email and ask for confirmation. This ensures they cannot twist facts or deny agreements.
• Back Up Text Messages and Emails: Store copies on two different USB drives or secure locations to prevent sudden deletion.
• Record Conversations or Phone Calls if Necessary: Collect as much evidence as possible. If your boss threatens you indirectly, play dumb and ask them to clarify. Direct threats strengthen your case in legal disputes.
• Avoid Sharing Personal Information: Narcissists gather personal details to use against you later. If you mention being tired, you may be excluded from important projects. If you say you’re well-rested, you could be assigned more work.
• Avoid Gossip and Criticism: Do not engage in gossip or criticize coworkers in front of the boss—your words may be used against you.

 

Standing Up to Your Boss

To stand up to a narcissistic boss, you need support. If you’re the only one complaining, it’s your word against theirs, and they will likely retaliate. Gather support from other employees, but don’t expect immediate solidarity—most fear losing their jobs. Subtly question some of your boss’s behavior and comments in private conversations with colleagues. Over time, people will recognize patterns and feel validated. Don’t rush into action—move strategically. Collect evidence, ensure you have support, and take action when necessary.

 

Setting Healthy Boundaries as a Team

Establish healthy boundaries collectively as a team. Avoid having a single leader, as the narcissistic boss will immediately target them. By working together and rotating leadership, you make it harder for the narcissist to single out one individual.

Introduce consequences for boundary violations, focusing on what your boss values most: attention, power, and control. Stand up for one another when the boss attempts to humiliate, insult, or threaten someone. Resistance from the entire team makes it more likely that the boss will adjust their behavior.

If these efforts fail to create change, consider approaching higher management with your evidence—but do so as a unified team. While this may lead to short-term backlash, the effects will be temporary. Narcissistic bosses operate best in chaos, but when confronted with structure and accountability from above, they are forced to adapt.

 

Narcissistic boss – Literature

• [1] Russ, E., Shedler, J., Bradley, R., & Westen, D. (2008). Refining the construct of narcissistic personality disorder: Diagnostic criteria and subtypes. American Journal of Psychiatry, 165, 1473-1481.
• [2] Karney, B. R., Ramchand, R., Osilla, K. C., Caldarone, L. B., & Burns, R. M. (2008). Predicting the immediate and long-term consequences of post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and traumatic brain injury in veterans of Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom. Invisible wounds of war, 119.
• [3] Gorter, R., Freeman, R., Hammen, S., Murtomaa, H., Blinkhorn, A., & Humphris G. (2008). Psychological stress and health in undergraduate dental students: fifth year outcomes compared with first year baseline results from five European dental schools. Eur J Dent Educ., 12, 61–68.
• [4] Schaufeli, W. B., Bakker, A. B., & Van Rhenen, W. (2009). How changes in job demands and resources predict burnout, work engagement, and sickness absenteeism. Journal of Organizational Behavior: The International Journal of Industrial, Occupational and Organizational Psychology and Behavior, 30, 893-917.