How to heal your own Narcissism? A self-help guide
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Narcissism exists on a spectrum, ranging from healthy self-esteem to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a clinically significant condition that can severely impact relationships, emotional well-being, and social functioning [1]. Many individuals with narcissistic traits may not meet the full criteria for NPD but still struggle with dysfunctional interpersonal patterns, emotional instability, and an excessive need for admiration [2]. The journey to healing one’s own narcissism requires self-awareness, emotional regulation, and the development of authentic connections with others.
Understanding Narcissistic Traits and Their Origins
To heal your own narcissism, it is essential to understand its origins and psychological mechanisms. Research suggests that narcissistic traits arise from a combination of genetic predisposition, early childhood experiences, and environmental factors [3]. Another study a researcher [4] suggests that inconsistent parental care, excessive praise or criticism, and unresolved childhood trauma can contribute to the development of narcissistic defenses.
Narcissism manifests in two primary forms: grandiose narcissism and vulnerable narcissism. Grandiose narcissism is characterized by overt arrogance, entitlement, and dominance, while vulnerable narcissism presents as hypersensitivity, insecurity, and covert self-doubt [5]. Recognizing these traits within oneself is the first step toward change.
NOTE: There are also studies suggesting narcissism manifests in tree primary forms: malignant narcissism, fragile narcissism and high-functioning narcissism. For more information about these three, please read: What is NPD?
For more information about narcissism, go to:
- What is NPD?
- NPD symptoms.
- Diagnosing NPD.
- What causes NPD?
- NPD Treatment.
- How to deal with a narcissist?
- Being the child of a narcissist.
- Coping with a narcissistic mother-in-law.
- A narcissistic child.
- Having a Narcissistic Boss.
- Having a Narcissistic Coworker.
- NPD test
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- Interesting NPD facts.
- Online treatment for NPD or guidance for those living with a narcissist.
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Heal Your Own Narcissism – The Role of Self-Reflection in Healing
Healing narcissistic traits begins with self-reflection and an honest assessment of one’s behavior and motivations. Researchers emphasize that individuals with narcissistic tendencies often struggle with self-awareness due to deep-seated defense mechanisms, such as denial and projection [6].
Strategies for Self-Reflection:
Journaling
- Writing about personal experiences, emotions, and reactions can help identify narcissistic patterns. Example: After a heated argument with a coworker, you write in your journal: “I felt disrespected when my colleague disagreed with my idea. But was I actually being dismissed, or was I reacting to my need for control? Maybe I should ask for clarification instead of assuming the worst.”
• Purpose: This helps uncover patterns of entitlement, hypersensitivity, or defensiveness.
Seeking Honest Feedback
- Trusted friends or therapists can provide valuable insights into one’s behavior. Example: You ask a close friend, “Do I come across as dismissive when we talk? I want to work on being a better listener.” Your friend replies, “Sometimes it feels like you steer the conversation back to yourself instead of engaging with what I’m saying.”
• Purpose: This type of feedback allows for self-improvement in social interactions.
Mindfulness and Meditation
- Practicing mindfulness can improve emotional regulation and reduce reactive tendencies. Example: You notice that when someone criticizes you, your heart rate spikes and you immediately want to defend yourself. Instead, you take a deep breath, pause, and remind yourself: “This is just feedback. I don’t have to react right away.”
• Purpose: Mindfulness reduces impulsivity and increases emotional regulation.
Challenging Distorted Self-Perceptions
- Questioning beliefs about superiority or victimhood can lead to personal growth. Example: You catch yourself thinking, “I’m the only competent one in my workplace. My boss just doesn’t appreciate my brilliance.” You challenge this by asking, “Is this really true? Do I sometimes overestimate my abilities and dismiss others’ contributions?”
• Purpose: This breaks down grandiose self-perceptions and fosters a more balanced self-view.
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Heal Your Own Narcissism – Developing Emotional Regulation Skills
A key component of healing your own narcissism is learning to manage emotions effectively. Individuals with narcissistic traits often struggle with emotional regulation, leading to outbursts of anger, defensiveness, or withdrawal [7].
Techniques for Emotional Regulation:
- Cognitive-Behavioral Strategies – Challenging cognitive distortions, such as black-and-white thinking or catastrophic predictions. Example: challenging the assumption that displaying vulnerability or emotions is a sign of weakness, will help you to get in touch with your feelings in a healthy way.
- Breathing Exercises and Relaxation Techniques – Engaging in deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation to manage stress. Deep breathing increases the blood circulation, which helps you to calm down.
- Distress Tolerance Skills – Learning to sit with discomfort without resorting to defensive behaviors. Remember that every thought, feeling, emotion, and behavior is temporary and will pass over time. There is no need to sit with negative emotions or act on them.
- Emotional Labeling – Identifying and naming emotions rather than reacting impulsively. Example: Instead of reacting angrily when your partner doesn’t agree with you, you take a moment to identify your feelings: “I feel insecure right now. I worry that I’m being dismissed, and that makes me frustrated.”
• Purpose: Naming emotions helps regulate them rather than acting out impulsively.
Cultivating Genuine Empathy
One of the hallmarks of narcissism is a diminished capacity for empathy [8]. Developing empathy is crucial for forming deeper connections and healing interpersonal dysfunction.
Steps to Develop Empathy:
- Active Listening – Engaging in conversations with full attention and curiosity. Example: Putting your phone away and making eye contact when your partner or friend is talking to you. Summarize what they told you to see if you understand the other person correctly.
- Perspective-Taking – Imagining how others feel in different situations. You can practice this by imagining how someone could have felt during a conversation with you. Or when you see a soap opera: try to imagine how the people on that show feel in certain situations. You might want to check this with your partner or friend.
- Engaging in Compassionate Acts – Volunteering or supporting others can enhance empathetic capacity. NOTE: only do this to support or help someone else, not to boost your own image. This means: keep it to yourself.
- Therapeutic Exercises – Role-playing and guided imagery techniques can help build emotional understanding, but we only recommend doing so with a mental health professional.
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Healing Through Meaningful Relationships:
Narcissism often stems from an insecure attachment style, leading to difficulty in forming healthy relationships [9]. To heal your own narcissism, it is essential to build authentic, reciprocal relationships rather than those based on admiration or validation.
Strategies for Building Healthy Relationships:
- Practicing Vulnerability: Sharing emotions and fears openly rather than maintaining a facade of perfection. Goal: to experience that people will not use your vulnerability against you.
- Establishing Boundaries: Recognizing and respecting others’ limits. Goal: to understand that people have different preferences and that this is Okay.
- Developing Mutual Respect: Avoiding manipulative or controlling behaviors. Goal: to experience that making compromises and accepting No for an answer will help strengthen the relationship.
- Repairing Past Relationship Wounds: Apologizing and making amends where necessary. Goal: learning that people forgive each other and that self-reflecting behavior is highly appreciated.
The Role of Therapy in Healing Narcissistic Traits
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Therapy provides structured support for those seeking to heal their narcissistic tendencies. Several therapeutic approaches have shown efficacy in treating narcissistic traits and NPD. For more information about NPD treatment, click here.
Effective Therapeutic Approaches:
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Helps challenge maladaptive thought patterns and improve emotional regulation [10]. Example: A therapist helps you recognize that your perfectionism comes from a deep fear of failure. You practice reframing thoughts from “If I make a mistake, I’m worthless” to “Mistakes are part of growth, and I can learn from them.”
• Purpose: CBT challenges rigid and self-defeating beliefs, improving flexibility and self-acceptance.
Schema Therapy
- Addresses deep-rooted maladaptive schemas, such as abandonment, defectiveness, or entitlement [11]. Example: You realize in therapy that your need for admiration stems from an early belief of being “not good enough” (a defectiveness schema). Through guided imagery, you revisit childhood experiences where you felt inadequate and reframe them with a compassionate perspective.
• Purpose: This technique helps heal deep-rooted emotional wounds.
Transference-Focused Psychotherapy (TFP)
- Aims to improve self-awareness and interpersonal functioning by examining relational patterns [12]. Example: In therapy, you find yourself frequently devaluing the therapist, thinking, “They don’t really know what they’re talking about.” Your therapist points out how this mirrors your difficulty trusting others in personal relationships.
• Purpose: TFP helps uncover and change dysfunctional relational patterns.
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Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT)
- Enhances the ability to understand one’s own and others’ mental states [13]. Example: You tell your therapist about a workplace conflict where a colleague ignored your suggestion. Your therapist asks, “What do you think your colleague might have been feeling in that moment?” You pause and consider: “Maybe they were stressed and focused on their own task, rather than intentionally dismissing me.”
• Purpose: MBT enhances the ability to see situations from multiple perspectives, improving interpersonal relationships.
Heal Your Own Narcissism – Measuring Progress in Personal Growth
Healing narcissism is a gradual process that requires consistent effort. Indicators of progress include:
- Increased Self-Awareness – Recognizing and addressing narcissistic behaviors. Example: You catch yourself interrupting someone mid-conversation, recognize the habit, and consciously stop to let them finish.
• Purpose: Awareness is the first step to meaningful change. - Greater Emotional Stability – Reduced impulsive reactions and mood swings. Example: Instead of reacting angrily when a friend cancels plans, you take a step back and think, “This isn’t personal. People have busy lives.”
• Purpose: Emotional regulation leads to healthier responses to setbacks. - Improved Relationships – More authentic and reciprocal interactions. Example: A friend tells you, “I feel like you actually listen to me now, instead of just waiting for your turn to speak.”
• Purpose: Shifting from self-focus to mutual engagement improves relationships. - Enhanced Empathy and Compassion – Increased concern for others’ perspectives and emotions. Example: You see a coworker struggling with a project and offer support instead of silently judging their competence.
• Purpose: Genuine empathy fosters deeper, more authentic connections. - Reduced Need for External Validation – Finding self-worth from within rather than relying on admiration. Example: You post a social media update without obsessively checking how many likes or comments you receive.
• Purpose: Self-worth becomes internally derived rather than dependent on external approval.
Conclusion
To heal your own narcissism, one must engage in deep self-reflection, emotional regulation, empathy-building, and meaningful relational work. While the journey may be challenging, it offers the possibility of greater self-acceptance, improved relationships, and emotional well-being. By integrating therapeutic strategies, developing genuine connections, and fostering self-awareness, individuals with narcissistic traits can embark on a transformative path toward personal growth and fulfillment. Continued research and psychological insights remain essential in refining approaches for those seeking to heal from narcissistic tendencies.
Literature
- [1] Miller, J. D., Campbell, W. K., & Pilkonis, P. A. (2007). Narcissistic personality disorder: Relations with distress and functional impairment. Comprehensive psychiatry, 48(2), 170-177.
- [2] Ngwu, D. C., Kerna, N. A., Carsrud, N. D. V., Holets, H. M., Chawla, S., Flores, J. V., … & Jomsky, B. M. (2024). Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Understanding the Origins and Causes, Consequences, Coping Mechanisms, and Therapeutic Approaches. EC Psychology and Psychiatry, 13, 01-21.
- [3] Deng, F., Ding, L., & Liao, C. C. (2021, December). An overview of narcissistic personality disorder. In 2021 4th International Conference on Humanities Education and Social Sciences (ICHESS 2021) (pp. 1605-1610). Atlantis Press.
- [4] Yakeley, J. (2018). Current understanding of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. BJPsych advances, 24(5), 305-315.
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Heal Your Own Narcissism – More Literature