How Parents Create a Narcissistic Child and How to Deal with Them

NPD causes.

Narcissistic traits in children don’t appear out of nowhere; they are often shaped by parenting styles, environmental influences, and early childhood experiences. While every child goes through phases of self-centered behavior, true narcissistic traits go beyond normal childhood ego development and lead to a consistent pattern of entitlement, lack of empathy, and an exaggerated sense of self-importance.

For parents, dealing with a narcissistic child—whether they live at home or on their own—can be incredibly challenging. It requires a delicate balance of setting firm boundaries while also fostering emotional growth and self-awareness in the child. In this article, we will explore how parents contribute to narcissistic development, how to manage a narcissistic child effectively, and the differences between parenting a narcissistic child who still lives at home versus one who has moved out.

Do you want to know whether or not you identify with some (or all) of the NPD symptoms?

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At Barends Psychology Practice, we offer treatment for narcissistic personality disorder. Contact us to schedule a free initial appointment.

How Parents Unintentionally Create a Narcissistic Child

1. Overvaluation: The “Special” Child Syndrome

Parents who excessively praise and overvalue their children—without balancing their praise with realistic feedback—may unknowingly foster an inflated sense of self-importance. While every child deserves encouragement and recognition for their achievements, excessive and unconditional praise that places them above others can create a distorted self-image.

How Overvaluation Creates Narcissistic Traits

When parents repeatedly tell their child that they are the smartest, the most talented, or the most exceptional person in the room—without also emphasizing qualities like humility, kindness, or perseverance—the child internalizes a belief that they are inherently superior. They begin to expect special treatment and may struggle to cope with criticism, failure, or situations where they are not the center of attention.

Example: A child who hears phrases like, “You’re the smartest kid in your class. No one can compete with you,” may start believing that they don’t need to work hard to succeed. Since they have been conditioned to think of themselves as naturally superior, they may become dismissive of teachers’ feedback, ignore teamwork, and develop resentment when they are not given special recognition.
Example: A parent who constantly tells their daughter, “You are the most beautiful girl in the world—everyone else is just average,” might unknowingly encourage vanity and entitlement. As the child grows, they may develop unrealistic expectations of how others should treat them, expecting admiration and compliance without offering anything in return.

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The Consequences of Overvaluation

This kind of overvaluation leads to several long-term issues:

Lack of Empathy: Since they have been raised to believe they are superior, they may disregard the emotions and needs of others.
Fragile Self-Esteem: When their superiority is challenged, they may react with anger, denial, or blame-shifting rather than self-reflection.
Entitlement: They may expect teachers, peers, and later employers to give them special treatment. When they don’t receive it, they feel insulted or wronged.
Inability to Handle Criticism: Instead of learning from mistakes, they may lash out at anyone who questions their abilities.

Solution: Instead of overvaluing their child, parents should balance praise with realistic encouragement. Complimenting effort rather than inherent traits is key.
Say: “I see how much effort you put into your studies! You really worked hard for this.”
Avoid: “You’re naturally smarter than everyone else, so of course you got the best grade.”
By shifting the focus from superiority to effort and growth, parents help their child develop resilience, humility, and emotional intelligence.

2. Conditional Love: Teaching That Self-Worth is Performance-Based

Some parents unintentionally instill narcissistic traits in their child by only showing love and approval when the child meets specific expectations. This teaches the child that their worth is conditional and tied to external achievements rather than intrinsic qualities.

How Conditional Love Creates Narcissistic Traits

When a child learns that they are only valued for their accomplishments, appearance, or status, they begin to crave external validation above all else. They may develop perfectionist tendencies, constantly seeking approval while simultaneously feeling insecure about their true worth.

Example: A father who only praises his son when he wins sports competitions but ignores him otherwise may create a child who believes that failure equals worthlessness. This child grows up terrified of failure and will go to extreme lengths to maintain a flawless image.
Example: A mother who showers affection on her daughter when she performs well in school but withdraws emotionally when she struggles may unknowingly teach her that love must be earned. As an adult, this child may become obsessed with success and fear intimacy because they believe they must always “perform” to be accepted.

The Consequences of Conditional Love

Fear of Failure: The child may develop severe anxiety around making mistakes, leading to avoidance of challenges.
Manipulation and Deception: Since their worth depends on external validation, they may lie or exaggerate achievements to gain approval.
Superficial Relationships: They may struggle with deep connections, prioritizing admiration over genuine emotional bonds.

Solution: Parents should emphasize unconditional love, making it clear that their child is valued for who they are, not just what they achieve.
Say: “I love you no matter what. Your grades or performance don’t change that.”
Avoid: “I’m proud of you only when you succeed.”

3. Lack of Boundaries: Encouraging Self-Centered Behavior

Children need structure and boundaries to develop a healthy understanding of others’ needs. When parents fail to enforce rules or allow their child to dominate the household, they unintentionally nurture entitlement and a disregard for others’ feelings and perspectives. Without clear limits, a child may grow up believing they are exempt from rules and should always get what they want, regardless of how it affects those around them.

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How Lack of Boundaries Creates Narcissistic Traits

If a child is never held accountable for their actions, they may develop the belief that their wants and needs always come first. This fosters impulsivity, a lack of empathy, and difficulty respecting authority or cooperating with others. In social settings, these children might struggle to form healthy relationships because they expect people to accommodate them without reciprocation.

Example: A child who is allowed to interrupt conversations, refuse to share, or throw tantrums whenever they are denied something learns that these behaviors yield results. If parents consistently give in to maintain peace, the child internalizes the idea that their demands should always be met, reinforcing a self-centered worldview. As they grow older, this can manifest as entitlement in friendships, workplaces, and romantic relationships.
Example: A parent who ignores or excuses their child’s rude behavior—such as insulting others, disregarding personal space, or acting aggressively—teaches them that cruelty and manipulation are acceptable means to an end. Without corrective guidance, the child may grow into an adult who belittles others to maintain a sense of superiority or to get their way in professional and personal settings.

The Consequences of Poor Boundaries

Disrespect for Authority: Children who grow up without boundaries often struggle in structured environments, such as school or work, where they are expected to follow rules. They may resist teachers, employers, or even law enforcement, seeing any form of authority as an obstacle to their desires.
Lack of Self-Control: Without early lessons in self-regulation, children may act impulsively and make reckless decisions. This can lead to risky behavior, difficulty handling frustration, and an inability to delay gratification.
Difficulty in Relationships: A lack of boundaries fosters an inability to consider others’ perspectives. As a result, these children may grow into adults who struggle with friendships, romantic relationships, and teamwork. Their entitled behavior can push people away, leading to loneliness and social isolation.

The Challenge of Setting Boundaries with a Narcissistic Child

When parents begin enforcing boundaries with a child who has developed narcissistic traits, they should expect resistance. These children often react with extreme frustration, anger, or even aggression when they do not get their way. They may attempt to manipulate their parents through guilt, tantrums, or emotional outbursts. This reaction is natural because they are not used to being told “no.” However, while difficult, enforcing boundaries is essential to breaking the cycle of entitlement and self-centered behavior.

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Solution: Set Clear, Consistent Boundaries with Consequences

Say: “I understand you’re upset, but yelling at me is not okay. You need to express yourself respectfully.”
Enforce consequences: If a child refuses to respect limits, calmly follow through with appropriate consequences. For example, if they refuse to stop insulting a sibling, they lose screen time or access to a favorite activity.
Model respect: Demonstrate healthy boundaries in your own interactions. If they see you standing firm against manipulation, they will learn to respect limits over time.
Avoid: Giving in to tantrums to “keep the peace.” While it may seem easier in the moment, this reinforces the idea that emotional outbursts are an effective way to get what they want.
Avoid:Inconsistent rules. If a behavior is unacceptable today but tolerated tomorrow, the child will learn that boundaries are negotiable, making them more resistant to structure.

By consistently reinforcing limits and expectations, parents can help their child develop healthier interpersonal skills and a more balanced sense of self. Though it can be an exhausting process, setting firm and loving boundaries is one of the most effective ways to guide a narcissistic child toward growth and emotional maturity.

4. Modeling Narcissistic Behavior Affects Your Narcissistic Child

Children are highly observant and often mimic the behaviors they see in their parents. When parents exhibit narcissistic traits—such as entitlement, manipulation, or emotional detachment—their children may internalize these behaviors, believing them to be normal or even necessary for success. Research on parental narcissism has shown that narcissistic parenting significantly affects a child’s emotional and social development, increasing the likelihood that they will develop similar traits.

How Modeling Narcissistic Behavior Affects Children

Children of narcissistic parents often adopt their caregivers’ attitudes and behaviors as a means of survival or validation. Over time, these traits can become deeply ingrained, shaping their personality and worldview.

Grandiosity and Entitlement: If a parent frequently boasts about their superiority, dismisses others as “lesser,” or expects special treatment, the child may adopt the same inflated self-perception. They may begin to see themselves as inherently better than their peers and react with frustration when not given preferential treatment.

Example: A child raised by a parent who constantly brags about their achievements may develop an exaggerated sense of their own abilities, believing they deserve special recognition even without effort.
Example: A father who demands that his needs always come first might raise a child who believes they should always be the priority in friendships and relationships.

Lack of Empathy: Children learn emotional responses by observing how their parents react to others. If a parent disregards others’ feelings, shows little compassion, or mocks vulnerability, the child may view empathy as a weakness.

Example: A mother who dismisses her child’s sadness by saying, “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal,” teaches her child to suppress emotions and be insensitive to others’ pain.
Example: A boy who sees his father ridicule others for their mistakes may adopt a similar condescending attitude toward classmates who struggle academically.

Manipulative Behavior: If a child witnesses a parent lying, guilt-tripping, or using emotional blackmail to get what they want, they may see manipulation as a legitimate way to influence others.

Example: A girl observes her mother exaggerating an illness to gain sympathy from friends and later fakes an injury at school to get attention.
Example: A child learns to guilt-trip their sibling (“If you loved me, you’d give me your toy”) after watching a parent use similar tactics.

Need for Admiration: A parent who constantly seeks validation or reacts angrily to a lack of praise teaches their child that self-worth is tied to external approval.

Example: A father who frequently asks, “Aren’t I the best dad?” may unintentionally instill the belief that self-worth depends on others’ affirmations.
Example: A child who sees their mother bask in admiration on social media might become obsessed with receiving likes and compliments, equating social status with personal value.

Fragile Self-Esteem and Overreaction to Criticism: Narcissistic parents often struggle with handling criticism, and their children may inherit this hypersensitivity.

Example: A child who watches their father explode in rage over minor mistakes may develop the same defensiveness, lashing out when given constructive feedback.
Example: If a child sees their mother cry or withdraw when someone criticizes her, they may learn to avoid feedback altogether, fearing it equates to personal failure.

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Strategies for Parents Managing Narcissistic Children

Managing a child with narcissistic tendencies can be particularly challenging. These children often struggle with entitlement, lack of empathy, and difficulty handling criticism. As a parent, it’s essential to strike a balance between setting firm boundaries and fostering emotional growth. Here are five key strategies to guide your parenting approach:

1. Set Clear Boundaries

Narcissistic children often resist rules and expect special treatment. Without clear and consistent boundaries, they may continue to manipulate situations to their advantage, disregarding the needs of others. Parents must firmly establish limits while remaining calm and composed.

How to Set Boundaries Effectively:

Clearly define rules and expectations: “In this house, we treat each other with respect. That means no yelling or name-calling.”
Enforce consequences consistently: “If you break the rule, you will lose your screen time for the day.”
Avoid negotiating boundaries repeatedly: If you say “No,” stick to it.

Example:
A 12-year-old boy refuses to do his homework and instead demands to play video games. His parents firmly explain: “Homework comes first. If it’s not completed, there will be no video games today.” If the child protests, the parent calmly holds their ground. Over time, consistency teaches the child accountability.

Common Challenge:
Children with narcissistic traits may respond with anger, frustration, or even tantrums when confronted with boundaries. They may attempt to guilt-trip, manipulate, or wear down the parent. This can be emotionally exhausting for parents, but it’s essential to stay firm.

What to Avoid:

Giving in to avoid conflict: This reinforces the idea that pushing boundaries works.
Yelling or reacting emotionally: This gives the child control over your emotions.
Making empty threats: If you say there will be a consequence, follow through.

2. Foster Empathy

Narcissistic children often struggle to recognize and respond to the emotions of others. Encouraging empathy helps them develop a healthier perspective on relationships and emotional interactions

Ways to Encourage Empathy:

Teach perspective-taking: “How do you think your friend felt when you said that?”
Model empathy in daily life: Show kindness and consideration to others, so your child sees it in action.
Engage in role-playing: Act out different social situations where empathy is needed.
Volunteer together: Activities that help others can provide real-world lessons in compassion.

Example:
A 10-year-old girl refuses to share her toys with her younger sibling. Instead of scolding her, the parent asks, “How would you feel if someone did that to you? What if your best friend never shared with you?” Encouraging her to reflect on this helps her consider others’ feelings.

Common Challenge:
If a child has deeply ingrained narcissistic traits, they may initially dismiss these exercises or respond with indifference. Change takes time and repetition.

What to Avoid:

Forcing emotional responses: Some children need time to develop empathy naturally.
Shaming them for their lack of empathy: Instead of saying, “You’re so selfish,” guide them toward understanding: “I know you care about your brother deep down. Let’s think about how to show that.”

3. Provide Balanced Feedback For Your Narcissistic Child

Narcissistic children crave admiration but struggle with constructive criticism. Parents must provide praise for genuine achievements while also teaching resilience when receiving feedback.

How to Give Balanced Feedback:

Praise effort, not just results: “I’m proud of how hard you studied for this test.”
Normalize mistakes: “Everyone makes mistakes. What can we learn from this?”
Encourage self-improvement: “That was a great effort! Next time, let’s try an even bigger challenge.”

Example:
A teenage boy fails a math test and reacts angrily, blaming his teacher instead of taking responsibility. His parent responds, “I know you’re frustrated, but blaming others won’t help. Let’s figure out what we can do differently next time.” This approach acknowledges his feelings while encouraging self-reflection.

Common Challenge:
A child with narcissistic traits may overreact to criticism, feeling personally attacked even by minor feedback. They may sulk, lash out, or insist that they are being treated unfairly.

What to Avoid:

Overpraising every small achievement: This can reinforce unrealistic self-importance.
Harsh criticism or comparisons: “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” damages self-esteem.
Ignoring their reaction to criticism: Instead, help them process their emotions constructively.

4. Model Healthy Relationships With Your Narcissistic Child

Children learn behaviors from their parents. If they see narcissistic tendencies at home—such as manipulation, excessive criticism, or emotional detachment—they are more likely to adopt these behaviors themselves. Modeling kindness, respect, and accountability in daily interactions helps counteract narcissistic tendencies.

How to Model Healthy Relationships:

Show respect in your communication: Use calm, respectful tones, even when setting boundaries.
Apologize when necessary: Teach children that accountability is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Avoid manipulative tactics: Do not use guilt or emotional blackmail to control behavior.
Treat others with kindness: Display generosity and empathy in daily life.

Example:
A child watches their parents argue. Instead of shouting, the parents calmly discuss their disagreement, apologize if necessary, and find a resolution. The child learns that conflicts can be handled respectfully rather than through yelling or manipulation.

Common Challenge:
If a narcissistic child is used to manipulating others to get what they want, they may initially reject or resist healthier relationship dynamics. They might test your patience or attempt to use the same tactics on peers.

What to Avoid:

Being overly submissive: Allowing the child to dominate relationships reinforces entitlement.
Reacting emotionally to manipulation: Stay calm and set clear expectations.
Ignoring problematic behavior: Address unhealthy patterns as they arise.

5. Seek Professional Help For You And Your Narcissistic Child

If narcissistic behaviors persist and significantly impact daily life, professional intervention may be necessary. A therapist can help address underlying issues and teach more effective coping strategies.

When to Seek Help:

The child’s behavior is severely disruptive at home or school.
They struggle with forming meaningful relationships.
They show extreme emotional reactions to minor setbacks.
They engage in manipulative or harmful behaviors regularly.

Example:
A 14-year-old girl exhibits extreme anger whenever she doesn’t get her way, often lashing out at family members and refusing to accept responsibility. A therapist works with her on emotional regulation and social skills, helping her navigate these challenges.

Common Challenge:
Some narcissistic children refuse therapy or insist they don’t need help. Parents may need to approach the subject carefully, framing therapy as a positive and supportive tool rather than a punishment.

What to Avoid:

Waiting too long to intervene: Early intervention can prevent long-term issues.
Assuming they will “grow out of it”: Without guidance, narcissistic traits can become ingrained.
Forcing therapy without explanation: Help the child understand how therapy can benefit them.